“ A pregnancy loss is still a Birthday”
Stillbirthday.com is a wonderful sight offering support, encouragement and resources for women and families experiencing pregnancy loss, at any stage, that I highly recommend. Please pass along this website to your women’s groups, church groups, to friends so that others can be comforted and benefit from the resources provided.
In my 2nd year of marriage (1991), I experienced a miscarriage but did not know it until I took a Crisis Pregnancy Center worker training course a year or so later, as it was through the videos that I watched that I realized the image I was viewing on the screen was pretty much the resemblance of a tiny piece of tissue that I had expelled previously.
At the time of that event, I simply had experienced very bad cramps, backache, nausea etc. which for me was much the same as I experienced each month, as I had a debilitating conditions called Endometriosis. Since expelling large clots and tissue was a norm for me, I didn’t think much about it, yet I did examine it out of curiosity. It did not resemble that which I was accustomed to seeing.
No more thought of that event occurred to me until viewing the image on that video and then that realization was startling, as I had two detriments to strongly prevent a pregnancy from ocurring:
1. Endometriosis frequently prevents pregnancy
2. A surgery that I had undergone – highly reduced the chance of pregnancy to about 1-2%
So to realize that I indeed had been pregnant settled it within me that if I were to ever become pregnant again and carry a baby to term, it certainly would have to be with Divine intervention and probably God’s definite will that I become a mother for that child.
Several years after this, my husband and I had 2 separate opportunities presented to us to adopt newborns. We prayed about it and in each case, responded affirmatively. We named each baby before they were born and one, a little boy, we named Brandon Michael Aaron, we actually got to hold and rock on the day of his birth. Then and there in our hearts, he was our baby. Due to the Law, we were not able to bring him home until day 3 and it was on that day that we received the devastating phone call from the Mother’s Lawyer saying, ‘do not come; she has changed her mind’.
The letdown, disappointment and sadness was profound and to add to that, the insensitive comment of ‘it’s better that it happened now than if the baby was older’ added a bit more injury.
[We’ve all done it though, haven’t we? We mean well but we’re brain-dead and insensitive when we open our mouths to offer comfort. It’s good to forgive and walk away at those moments].
There were sad events that followed that baby’s early life and that of his older brother and eventually ended in the tragic death of their mother, sending both boys to foster care. But here’s the redemptive glory and mercy of our Compassionate Father God:
Approximately 5 years after we held little Brandon Michael Aaron, we saw him again as part of God’s great and amazing BEST PLAN for him! We were at church and a visiting Francophone pastor from a neighboring community was speaking and his family was with him. A friend who had known about our near-adoption situation shared with us who this couple was, and who their sons actually were: those two little boys were the sons of that Mother who decided to not adopt out her baby boy to us 5 years prior. And what had our loving, compassionate God done? He had given a childless couple a family and he had provided a loving, christian home for 2 young boys in the foster care system!
“And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me” [Jesus] Matthew 18:5
Talk about the elation and rejoicing in my heart at learning of this marvelous situation. I actually wept with joy. I praised God for that storm we had passed through and thanked Him for His much greater plan for those little boys. It was one of those aha teaching moments: to always trust our Heavenly Father, for what is allowed to enter our lives can be used for our spiritual good and for His greater glory. I do want to continue to live and trust like that, but of course, I don’t do so consistently.
The above personal account is not shared to in anyway bring shame or discomfort to any grieving parent or family. I simply wished to share my own personal pregnancy/miscarriage experience and it was only natural to share about the failed-adoption story as well.
Wishing all the grieving parents and families the compassion of friends and of the community and comfort from our Heavenly Father as you pass through this heart-breaking valley. May StillBirthday.com be a helpful part of your healing journey.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep – free professional portraiture to parents suffering the loss of a baby
Seeking Purpose and Giving Back – the blog post of Lisa Marie Imagery, who is a volunteer photographer for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Online Community Group MSIL – Miscarriage, Stillborn and Infant Loss
When Tragedy Comes To The Just – article and list of helpful things for parents newly grieving the loss of a child
There Must Be A Reason – Song
In Christ’s love, Lori
P.S.: I would be most glad to pray for you in your time of loss and grieving and offer utmost confidentiality to you and yours.